Cancer Strikes again!

Cancer Strikes again!!  You heard me, I have cancer again.  Not the news I wanted to hear.  I was hoping and praying that I did not have to go through this again.  That I did not have to put my family through this again.  For some reason the Lord feels that there is something else that I need to learn.  Something that will hopefully help me grow a little more in some kind of area.  Help my family grow, and those around me grow.  I don't know why, I don't have any answers other then the Lord loves me. 
I have Metastatic Breast Cancer in my Bones.  That is what they tested from my brain surgery.  So they are assuming that the rest of the other places is the same thing.  I kind of new in the back of head that it would turn out this way.  I was hoping that it was different.  Praying for it to be different.  However it is not.  I look horrible on paper.  Just plan bad, to the point I don't even want to follow my health online anymore.  However, I don't feel that way.  Just to give you a little bit of back ground on this.  Once the Breast Cancer spreads they can only push it back.  They can't cure it.  My friend from High School died of this very thing.  She fought for 2 years and just lost her battle to it in April.  Now, I am not saying that, that is going to be my fate after 2 years.  I am just giving you an example.  I am hoping, and praying that the treatments that they are going to give me will push back the cells, so that I can stay here and help raise my babies.
Here is the plan.  I will be doing radiation again, on my head.  Starting really soon.  Monday-Friday for about 3-5 weeks depending on what my insurance will pay for.  They are hoping for 5.  In which time I have to live away from my family for the treatments and relay on extended family to help me.  So my husband can work. He is the provider of our family and has the insurance that we need.  I will deal with the side affects of radiation.  Which I am not looking forward to.  I will be also taking a chemo pill by mouth during this time.  Three weeks on, and 1 week off.  This is the nicer drug then the last ones I was on.  It just takes my cells down a little bit, then brings them back up, just not to low.  Just enough to push back those cells so, I can "hopefully" have a longer life. 
My Oncologist did say that he has a 90 year old lady on the same drug he is putting me on, and she has been on it for 3 years and is doing great.
I have spent many hours crying.  My what if's has gone through my head, and lost track of what I am doing.  Trying to decide what matters that most in my life.  Soul searching, making more time for my family.  Trying to understand the Lords plan for me.  I know that this life is but a moment in the eternities, and that Families are Forever.  That I will not go one minute before my time.  I just sometimes wish I could see into the future and say, see I made it through okay, but I can't.  I just have to rely on the Lord, and what he wants me to learn and do. 
Can I just ask one thing from all those that read this.  Please don't post you are sorry.  I don't like it when people feel sorry for me.  If you feel like there is something you can do for someone else, just do it!!  It does not have to be me.  Do a kind deed for someone else.  If you have a good thought, act on it.  Don't put it off, I know it will mean the world to someone else.  One of my cancer friends did this when she was going through her treatments.  She asked for good deeds.  It meant the world to her.  It will mean the world to me also.  Do a kind deed for some else, weather it be little or big.  The world can be a very ugly place, and that is why I ask for these kind deeds.  Let's make life Happy!!  Remember Happy Thoughts!! 
I can do Hard Things!!  I just don't always want to, but I can!!