Cancer Strikes again!

Cancer Strikes again!!  You heard me, I have cancer again.  Not the news I wanted to hear.  I was hoping and praying that I did not have to go through this again.  That I did not have to put my family through this again.  For some reason the Lord feels that there is something else that I need to learn.  Something that will hopefully help me grow a little more in some kind of area.  Help my family grow, and those around me grow.  I don't know why, I don't have any answers other then the Lord loves me. 
I have Metastatic Breast Cancer in my Bones.  That is what they tested from my brain surgery.  So they are assuming that the rest of the other places is the same thing.  I kind of new in the back of head that it would turn out this way.  I was hoping that it was different.  Praying for it to be different.  However it is not.  I look horrible on paper.  Just plan bad, to the point I don't even want to follow my health online anymore.  However, I don't feel that way.  Just to give you a little bit of back ground on this.  Once the Breast Cancer spreads they can only push it back.  They can't cure it.  My friend from High School died of this very thing.  She fought for 2 years and just lost her battle to it in April.  Now, I am not saying that, that is going to be my fate after 2 years.  I am just giving you an example.  I am hoping, and praying that the treatments that they are going to give me will push back the cells, so that I can stay here and help raise my babies.
Here is the plan.  I will be doing radiation again, on my head.  Starting really soon.  Monday-Friday for about 3-5 weeks depending on what my insurance will pay for.  They are hoping for 5.  In which time I have to live away from my family for the treatments and relay on extended family to help me.  So my husband can work. He is the provider of our family and has the insurance that we need.  I will deal with the side affects of radiation.  Which I am not looking forward to.  I will be also taking a chemo pill by mouth during this time.  Three weeks on, and 1 week off.  This is the nicer drug then the last ones I was on.  It just takes my cells down a little bit, then brings them back up, just not to low.  Just enough to push back those cells so, I can "hopefully" have a longer life. 
My Oncologist did say that he has a 90 year old lady on the same drug he is putting me on, and she has been on it for 3 years and is doing great.
I have spent many hours crying.  My what if's has gone through my head, and lost track of what I am doing.  Trying to decide what matters that most in my life.  Soul searching, making more time for my family.  Trying to understand the Lords plan for me.  I know that this life is but a moment in the eternities, and that Families are Forever.  That I will not go one minute before my time.  I just sometimes wish I could see into the future and say, see I made it through okay, but I can't.  I just have to rely on the Lord, and what he wants me to learn and do. 
Can I just ask one thing from all those that read this.  Please don't post you are sorry.  I don't like it when people feel sorry for me.  If you feel like there is something you can do for someone else, just do it!!  It does not have to be me.  Do a kind deed for someone else.  If you have a good thought, act on it.  Don't put it off, I know it will mean the world to someone else.  One of my cancer friends did this when she was going through her treatments.  She asked for good deeds.  It meant the world to her.  It will mean the world to me also.  Do a kind deed for some else, weather it be little or big.  The world can be a very ugly place, and that is why I ask for these kind deeds.  Let's make life Happy!!  Remember Happy Thoughts!! 
I can do Hard Things!!  I just don't always want to, but I can!!

Life

Hello,  My name is Annie.  I am a stay at home mom of 4 kidos.  I am a breast cancer survivor.  Where I went through 8 chemo treatments, double mastectomy, 33 radiation treatments.  A hysterectomy, Two Breast implant surgeries, and port placement and removal.
I found out that I have two tumors located in my body.  Which is probably more cancer.  I had brain surgery about 1 week ago to remover the tumor that had been giving me head aches, jaw pain, and vision blurriness.  I have more cells located on my spin and pelvis.  The next tumor is on my pelvis.   I wanted to keep my family and friend updated on my progress as I deal with my radiation and probably more chemo.   After I had my brain tumor removed.  The doctor told me that I would be needing to have radiation to get the rest of the cells he was unable to get.  I was not surprised by this.  I knew something else was going to happen in the way of all my problems.  Brain surgery is not anything easy.  I have had 11 surgery's now, and non of them has been very fun, but this one cause a lot of nausea.  I remember being wheeled back to my room in the ICU on the way throwing up.  Then when they took me to my next room on a different floor I did the same thing, and throwing up more.  I even got nausea when we drove home through the canyons.  To many twist and turns for me to handle that day.  I also have a cool hair cut.  They told me at the hospital that it is the most in hair cut.  I just needed to dye the ends of my hair pink and I would fit right in.  HaHaHa   Each day I feel a little better and better.  Not perfect, but better.  The swelling is going down.  I am able to do a little more, but I still need to set and rest a lot.  I have not gotten the pathology back from the surgery.  I am still just waiting to see what is in store for me next.  Doctor's can help you if you let them help you and go and seek for there help and trust in them.

The only way I have been able to get through all of this is relying on my Lord and savior.  I relied on him so much during all the cancer treatments last time.  I know I can do it again.  The book of Mormon is what I turn to when I need some peace and some uplifting.  It helps me to feel comfort, and strength to go on to the next treatment, and hope that it will all turn out the way it should.  It helps me fall asleep at night.  Along with prayer helps me to understand my body, my moods, and what I should do to help myself feel better.  We are all in these immortal bodies, and have so many trials in these bodies.  No one has the perfect bodies that has no problems.  Some of us just have more extreme problems then others.  I was watching a friend of mine a few weeks ago with her kids.  I thought I wish I was just like her, and did not have to go though this cancer stuff again.  Then I thought of my dear friend that use to live by me, and the daily things she deals with in her body.  I thought about how we all are imperfect just trying to get through this life.  Have our mortal experience that we all shouted for joy to come and do. We knew it would be hard, but we also knew it would be worth it.  So, as I deal with more medical treatments and more doctor visits I would ask for prayers. Prayers help so much.  They make it easier to get through the day.  I am so grateful for all those that have prayed for me, and have fasted for me.  I have felt those prayers.  I have felt the love all of you have offered me.  I look forward to hopefully a bright future.